A friend recently linked this article and it's been floating around a while. 10 Pranks That Will Spice Up Your Relationship. Read that first, then come back here.
The first time I read this, my initial revulsion gave way to complete disbelief. On the heels of this wonderful blog post written by the most caring and sensitive human alive, I began to think that maybe romance is dying. Do we have to pull cute pranks on each other? Are we so cynical that creative, endearing proposals are sickening and exploitative?
Here are my responses to Fox News' 10 sweet pranks.
1. Don't do any of this shit.
Seriously, are you 5? Gluing a coin to the floor? Making up items on a list for a grocery trip? Are you bloody kidding me? I swear, there's a sentence in there that says, "...start laughing and pointing." And we wonder why there's a bullying problem.
Here's what the article says to me. In order to "spice up" your relationship, you should be sneaky and slightly hurtful. Nothing turns a man on like making him feel small and stupid.
If you're going to stuff crap in his shoe or tape something to his mouse, just leave the note instead. A note by the front door saying, "Take your clothes off and come find me" is a lot more "spicey" that "Hey, doofus, there's tissue paper in your shoe. Aren't you a piece of work?!" If you're going to pull a prank, do one together. Make prank phone calls together and laugh about it. Walk around town together and stare forlornly into cafe windows and wait for people to get uncomfortable. Make up silly accents and ask for directions.
The point is, the more you do together, the less work your relationship will need.